Updated: Dec 29, 2020

This diet is not a fad, or a sponsored eating plan.

This is a simple and highly effective way of cleaning up your diet TODAY to improve your mood, your energy, your gut, and your health.

And you'll probably lose some weight too.

The NO CRAP diet is a safe, effective, and simple to follow eating plan, designed to facilitate weight loss and promote healthy nutritional habits.

My Milkshakes didn't bring all the boys to the yard

With each new year comes a new and highly entertaining dietary craze. Whilst some focus on the ingestion of undeniably healthy sources (Plant Based, Paleo), some focus on safely reducing the overall weekly calorie content, others rely on convincing the public that consuming powdered food made in their factory in Essex is a healthy way to lose weight.

If i had a pound for every gelatinous imbecile that proudly told me they'd lost weight drinking only powdered milkshakes for dinner, I would use each and every one of those pounds to drown & destroy companies like Lighter Life & Huel in a milky armageddon.

Having coordinated & studied the weight loss of a considerably large number of people, I feel confident to say that you really don't need to cough up your hard earned pennies to a company that turns food into powders and then ships them to your door like an industrial scale drug dealer.

One of the most effective starting places for nutritional health & subsequent weight loss is simply by removing some of the crap from your diet!

It's super easy to do, makes you feel great, and will actually save you money.


crap (krap) noun 1. something of extremely poor quality.

2. excrement. verb 1. defecate. {BRITISH} 2. talk at length in a foolish or boring way adjective


1. extremely poor in quality.

Crap is essentially what British people say when we're being too polite to say shit.

Nutritionally speaking (and for the purposes of this article) CRAP is an acronym for;

  • Carbohydrates

  • Refined Sugars

  • Alcohol

  • Processed Foods

I'm not asking you to totally eliminate these things from your diet, rather to reduce and monitor your mood, energy, and weight as a result.


To clarify; I'm not 'anti-carbs' or promoting some kind of long-term carbohydrate ban...

I'm just just against consuming carbohydrates while trying to lose weight. It doesn't help.

The average UK adults consumes an estimated 200-250g of carbohydrates a day (47.5-48.3%),for%20men%20and%20women%2C%20respectively.

By my estimates I recommend reducing this number to <25% to facilitate successful weight loss. You could go further and head under 10% (similar to Ketogenic dieting) but i'd strongly recommend a slow and gradual reduction over a week or so to ease you in.



When you break down how the body metabolises food, everything pretty much boils down to glucose ultimately. Fruit, Vegetables, Grains, lots of healthy items are carbohydrates!

So let's start by reducing/restricting a few of the prime suspects;

  • White Bread

  • White Potatoes

  • Chips

  • Pasta

  • Cereals

  • Sugar


  1. Get a food diary (MyFitnessPal or LifeSum) and start checking in on how many carbohydrates you're consuming.

  2. KEEP YOUR OVERALL CARBOHYDRATE BELOW 25%! For the average male that'll be 100-125g daily intake, and for females thats 80-100g (roughly).

  3. Monitor your energy, your weight, your appetite, and your mood as you go. Make little adjustments where necessary, and pace yourself.


Refined sugars aren't the classy sweetener the name would suggest, in fact they're bastards.

A lot of natural products contain sugar (Fruit, Grains, Nuts & Seeds, pretty much everything).

What the dear old sugar industry did was decide that this simply wasn't enough, and worked out a cunning way of extracting the good stuff into its purest form. The result is refined sugars such as;

  • Sucrose/Table Sugar

  • High-fructose corn syrup

  • Cane sugar

  • White sugar

  • Brown sugar

  • Honey

  • Malt syrup

  • Molasses

  • Maple syrup

  • Corn syrup

  • Fructose

  • Glucose

  • Dextrose

  • Nectars


  • Chocolate Bars

  • Sweets

  • Sports Drinks

  • Alcoholic Drinks

  • Cereals

  • Cheap Sauces (Ketchup, Brown Sauce)

  • Processed Foods (see final section)

Refined sugars are usually found in the obvious bad foodstuffs such as chocolate and sweets etc, but they sneak into a lot of other products too, so here's a simple rule to remember...anything with 'OSE' on the end is some form of sugar (ie; Glucose, Dextrose, Sucrose, Maltose etc).

If your product appears healthy on the packaging, but the ingredients are loaded with Glucose, Sucralose, and Dextrose, it's basically a load of refined sugars masquerading as a healthy item. Put it down, and move along to the fruit and veg aisle.


This is most peoples downfall when struggling to lose weight and change lifestyle habits.

Alcohol is a relatively low-toxicity poison (it is quite literally a poison), and the UK's drug of choice. It helps you unwind and forget about the fact you've just spent 40-50 hours of your week slaving away on a job that you hate.

From a trainers perspective alcohol is a tremendous waste of calories, and most often a nutrient-free waste of calories too.

As you may well know, alcohol reduces your inhibitions and makes you 37% more likely to consume a kebab, and/or act like a twat.

If you're consuming just one glass of wine a night (228kcal) that's +1500kcal extra per week (basically a day's calorie allowance if you're trying to lose weight).

If (like most people) that's more than 1 glass then you can easily be consuming an extra 3000-4500kcal on your weekly totals.

It's easy to see how it adds up.


I recommend simply facing the music and counting up your weekly caloric intake from alcohol.

Now see if you can reduce that number.

PROCESSED FOODS This is a HUGE umbrella term for 'anything processed, refined, or amended by human hands. The aim is to eat as naturally as possible.

Most foodstuffs have been 'tweaked' by human hand somewhere along the processing line; additives and preservatives, e-numbers, reduced fat or sugars etc. We want to eliminate as much of this process as possible and opt for the most fresh and natural option available.

This is of course, highly subjective.

On one end of the scale there's the Freshly Cut Pork Chops. On the other, some sorry looking Billy Bear Ham. And somewhere in the middle there's that kind of posh ham they sell in Waitrose with yellow crumbs on it. The term 'processed foods' can be quite loose, but please apply your brain on this one and go for the LEAST PROCESSED/REFINED/ALTERED/TWEAKED/AMENDED option.

So opt for the fresh salmon instead of processed fish, Lean Turkey Breast instead of Bernard Matthews Ham, Greek Feta instead of reduced fat Philadelphia, and fresh veg from a local supplier which I guarantee brings your more nutrients than the over-farmed crap you get from Tesco's...

SO WHATS LEFT? Pretty much all the good food Mother Nature has provided us humans for hundreds of thousands of years.

Your diet should primarily consist of;

  • LOTS of fruit and vegetables. Easier to list the one's you can't eat over the ones you can; White Potatoes. Other than that get scoffing all the goodness nature has provided Homo Sapiens for hundreds of thousands of years, and get your daily fix of nutrients!!

  • Quality Protein Sources (Unrefined Meat, Fish, Eggs, Lentils, Beans, Pulses)

  • A decent amount of Healthy Fats (Olive Oils, Nuts, Seeds, Avocado's, Banana's)

  • Lots of water!

If you need to look further, check out the EAT CLEAN Blog, or get in touch via the website to get more information.


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